From the Diary of Rudolpho Milano

Dear Diary,

We’re back on the freaking Isle of Dread.

Daria managed to sweet-talk Slipknot Pete out of some info. Apparently we were trying to find the Hellfish, the boat that the pirates came in on. Daria got the location of the ship from Slipknot Pete as well as the fact that the losers operated out of a place called Rat’s End. These losers were not even Scarlet Fleet; they were just wannabes. Slipknot Pete’s crew was supposed sack Farshore and then wait for the Scarlet Fleet to pick up the Hellfish and make them all first-class pirates. Wha-hoo…Sounds like bullcrap to me.

Anyway, we found the Hellfish and boy is it a piece of crap. Its capacity is only a fraction of that of the Sea Wyvern. Then someone (not me) decided that we should split ways with Capt. Spanky and the Viscious Spanking. Spanky’s crew is going to try to salvage what they can from the Sea Wyvern and maybe get it seaworthy again. We took the Hellfish on to Rat’s End and found a fat lot of nothing.

From Rat’s End, we took the Hellfish to Tanaroa, the largest filthy village of filthy primitive losers south of the two-mile loser wall. We interrupted some kind of campfire ceremony / sing-along. The local idiots were calling out a single word “Zotzilaha” over and over until they about had me singing along. It was kinda catchy.

Anyway, a bat-person image appeared in their campfire and threatened the losers to return what was taken from him. Funny thing about that – it seems that only I could understand his speech. After the bat god’s little tantrum, a handful of stupid flaming bats appeared and the island volcanoes began to rumble.

Anyway, the whole scene was really starting to annoy me. We had to spend a few moments killing the flaming bats and I chopped down their totem pole for good measure. Then I had a chance to relay what the bat loser had said. Ortho figured that I could understand because I was still toting that bat-god statue that we picked up in Tamoachan. Whatever - I have a magic statue that allows me to understand boring bat-god threats. Yay…

Mystic Z suspects that the filthy natives were only trying to appease a volcano / fire god, Huhuetotl and they were calling him by the name of the idiot bat god. Man, that bat god just doesn’t learn! We’ve already killed him once and he’s still trying to piss me off.

After all that, Gwendolyn cast some spell and she, Vin, and the old chief started yapping betwixt the three of them and before I could even begin to care what was going on, we’re on yet another mission into the heart of the Isle of Dreaded Boredom.

Then, yesterday, we got attacked by some pitiful spider critters and got into a battle that really isn’t even worth mentioning.

Just now, we were surrounded by some huge reptiles. Man, oh man, Nesta took a real beating. Some good, honest, fighting along with a few spells from the brains in the crew took care of those animals but that last one tried to run off with my dagger still stuck in its ass. I chased the beast and yelled at it while I threw crap at it - but it was finally a shitty song from Gwendolyn that took it down.

I got my dagger back.

-R