From the Diary of Rudolpho Milano

Dear Diary,

I hate birds.

As we trekked through the jungle following a trail south we came across some big reptile being accosted by ugly, flightless birds. Because they we in our path, we killed a couple of the birds and ran the rest off. The big reptile also lumbered off. Silly birds. That’ll teach them to get in our way. I wanted to go ahead and stalk down the big lizard-thingy to kill it but I was out-voted.

That night, we dined on bird.

The next day, we traveled on down the trail (still following Nesta despite my objections). We ran into some boring ruins and just as I was preparing to relieve myself on some stonework we ran into a crusty old woman on a web-covered stone throne. I heard someone muttering “You gotta be shittin’ me.” Then, I realized that it was yours truly that said it. I then, of course, drew my falchion and prepared to let the old broad have it when all of a sudden, our new gnome stepped right in my way and starts talking some gobble-de-gook to the old broad. Talking? What kind of adventure group did I join anyway?

I don’t know what they said and no one can tell me - but the short version of the story is that we just left the old woman there and went about our merry way. I wasn’t so merry though. I kept trying to convince someone that there must have been some loot to be found in those old ruins – but, as usual, nobody would listen to me. Nesta kept leading the way down the trail and our new gnome kept jabbering about ‘beware the terror birds’.

I harbored not-so-secret thoughts of doubling back and beating on that old gasbag until she gave up the treasure but I soon occupied myself with my new favorite pastime – swatting flies. Yep, I figure I caught about 20 flies that day and killed 30 more. I kept the live flies in a small sack. True, it’s not very exciting but it keeps me from killing crew members.

Anyway, I was trying to convince Daria to sneak my live flies into Vin’s helmet the next time that we stopped to rest when we came to a cliff. Everyone seemed puzzled as to the next move to make and I was like “Duh! Can we climb now?” Anyway, about the time I got to the bottom of the cliff, we were set upon by those stupid birds.

Luckily for him, Kongu had followed me down the cliff and the two of us faced off against three birds. I couldn’t see what was going on up top but from the squawking and yelling I figured that the rest of the gang was in a similar situation.

Almost immediately, Vin plummeted head-first from the cliff top to the ground below. I swear I think that he deliberately jumped. I figured him for dead but, always the hero, Vin stumbled to his feet, straightened his helmet, and started swinging wildly at one of the two remaining birds. Once again Kongu showed his remarkable talent to take a beating that no living being could ever walk away from. I had no idea what was going on up top except that a stray arrow flew overhead in a direction seemingly unrelated to any target.

Did I mention that one of those birds was about eight times as big as the others? That’s the one that yours truly was fighting while Vin was stumbling around like a drunken sailor and Kongu was doing his best imitation of a pile of kindling.

It took me a while but I finally killed big mama-bird when I spun around to try to salvage what was left of the blue boy. Surprisingly, Vin was still standing on his wobbly legs and, judging from the blood and feathers covering him, seemed to have gotten in a couple of lucky shots. I ran over to deliver the killing blow - to the bird.

The battle was still raging up top so I jumped up on top of the hay-bail-sized nest to try to find a target I could hit with my bow. I could just barely make out the head and neck of one of the birds so I took a shot. I’m pretty sure I missed but I don’t think it mattered anyway because just about then a saw a blinding band of lightning streak through the air just feet from my head.

For a few seconds, all my hair stood on end and I heard this weird humming in my skull. Something smelled burnt for a moment as my eyes readjusted and then it was over. I heard Daria yell, “You had a LIGHTNING BOLT?” I guess she was yelling at Ortho.

After the battle, some of the guys started running around gingerly collecting the giant eggs from the giant nests and carefully packing them into their rucks. I was casually wiping busted eggshell and goo off of my boots when Daria informed me that I had just put a 1500 gold piece shine on my boots.

Oh well.

-R