From the Diary of Rudolpho Milano (times four)

Dear Diary,

I wish the Crimson Fleet would hurry up & attack.

The big election didn't even happen. Lavinia ran uncontested. It seems that the Scarlet Brotherhood raided Manthalay's Villa, killed him, and then torched the place. Man, I wish I had been there to kill some smugglers. Not that I have anything against smuggling – I just like killing. Everyone needs a hobby.

The towne guard actually captured one of the Scarlet losers skulking 'bout the village. He wouldn't talk and eventually he died under the Daria's questioning.

Meanwhile, all of Farshore is still talking about the impending attack by the Crimson Fleet. I am beginning to doubt that it will actually ever happen! We keep preparing and shoring up the town defenses for battle but nothing seems to happen. I think its all a big ploy to keep Vin safely stuck up Lavinia's arse. Anyway, the main work is left to the junior team, the Jade Dragons - they knew better than to ask me to build towers and walls. I got better things to do.

We actually got back to Sasserine a couple of times this week. Oh, sweet, sweet, civilization at last! (That's saying a lot coming from a barbarian.) It happened when Ortho learned how to magically move us from one place to another instantly. From the wreck of the Sea Wyvern, we moved to the smuggler's redoubt and then, the next day, we moved back to Sasserine.

Let's see – there was Ortho, me, Hjálmgerðr, and Vin. We brought as much loot as we could carry so we could finally sell it. Vin and Ortho had a big, shopping list of crap to buy in town but I had missions of my own.

I gave my dear, sweet ma enough money to finally retire. I figured that fifty pieces of gold should be enough to keep her in rum and gruel for the rest of her life. I also checked my suspicions that my falchion had been claimed by someone else (who then placed it at the false grave at the smuggler's redoubt).

As usual, I suspected wrong. I gotta give up the thinking and just stick to killing. My claim ticket was still in the Vanderboren vault and my falchion was still hanging in the shop from whence I ordered it. Anyway, I sold the claim ticket to some rich wanna-be pirate and recouped some of my investment. All of this raises anther question. Why was there an adamantine flachion with Milano insignia hiding in a fake grave at the smuggler's redoubt. This time, I refuse to think about it. Everytime I catch myself thinking now, I just pull out my falchion and chop something.

Damn! I gotta go chop something.
-R

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Dear Diary,

Ok, I'm back from chopping up the local landmark, Raven's Rock.

It WAS an out-of place rock in the middle of the beach that kinda looked like a bird from just the right angle. Now it looks like a crudely-carved fist with an middle finger facing the bay. Maybe I'll pay some phanatons to finish it...

Oh, anyway, while at the Sasserine inns, relating my adventures to the local bards, I heard rumors of a black-sailed fleet causing trouble. I'm just glad that Vin didn't hear any of this or we would be sailing back to Fort Boredom to investigate. I also got word that Antonio Milano was recently seen in some cesspool town called Scuttlecove.

I guess we were in Sasserine for about a week. I tried to hide but, dammit, Vin found me and Ortho magically moved us all back to Farshore. When we arrived, we found out that Slipknot Pete had escaped confinement and Kongu was missing.

Later that day, I noticed that my head hurt and my scalp was itching. I realized that I had a thought forming. I tried to drink the thought away, but it just got worse. Finally, I thunk the thought (kinda like passing an over-sized turd). The thought was this: Someone sprung Slipknot Pete from his imprisonment! Probably it was one of the Crimson Fleet pirates that we impressed in our service. I told Daria what I thought and she began a thorough investigation – an investigation that none of the foreign marines survived.

I was busy ignoring all the crap and snoozing away in my hammock one day when Nesta wakes me up and tells me to suit up and grab my blade cause its time to go to work. Oh boy! I thought that the Crimson Fleet had finally showed up to get the arse-kicking that they deserved. Again, I was wrong.

Apparently, there are troglodytes here on the island that no one has bothered to tell me about and they have been causing trouble for the colony. Troglodytes, by the way, are foul-smelling reptile-losers with no real worth to the world and plenty of good reasons to die.

Anyway, we march through the jungle to the village of these buttholes and I'm ready to get to killing but His Holiness the Reverend Vin decides that he needs to speak with the chief stinker first to try to smooth things over. I must have fallen asleep during negotiations because they seemed to be extremely short. I woke up just as Daria was ham-stringing the chief and all heck broke loose.

It was a short, but fun battle. All but one of the troglodytes were killed and our party sustained no real injuries. I heard later that Nesta tracked down that last loser and got him too. Good!

After the battle, I had some fun at Gwendolyn's expense as she sang her song to heal the wounded. With my left hand, I held my falchion in front of me, diagonally across my chest with the hilt at my left shoulder and the point at my right foot with the blade facing down. With my right hand, I mimicked a lute players movements as if my falchion's blade were a gourd strung with cat-gut. To complete the illusion, I made some noises.

“Ba-da-da, dun-dun-dun, diddle, diddle, ba-da-da, dit-dit-dit, diddle, doot, doot, doot, brum, brum!!!”

I thought I was pretty good - but Gwendolyn didn't seem to appreciate it. I found it so entertaining that I've taken to doing it whenever she starts singing.

Anyway, we made another boring trip to Sasserine. Vin & Gwendolyne got a couple of messages. I don't know what the messages said. I guess I could have read them - but reading makes me real tired.

Once again back here in Farshore, we were treated to a lavish dinner at the Vanderboren estate. After recently being back in Sasserine, the crap they serve at Farshore just didn't seem that good anymore. Regardless of flavor, I ate up all my grub like a pig at the trough hoping to get the heck out of there as soon as possible but I wasn't fast enough and I had to suffer through another round of Vin & Lavinia's toasts.

I sure wish something would happen soon.
-R

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Dear Diary,

Vanthus is dead and I didn't kill him!

The Crimson Fleet finally attacked Farshore. Yesterday, a handful of crappy ships suddenly appeared in the harbor. Those loser Olman lookouts didn't do us any good at all! Now I gotta remember to go on a genocidal killing spree when I get the chance to get back to the Isle of Dread.

The ships and the pirate crews were easily dispatched. Our allies, the monkey-idiots, were not much help - but they did stay to fight off the pirates. Nesta was deadly accurate with her longbow. She and Ortho picked off most of the pirates before they could even make it to shore. The only ship that seemed to give us any trouble was a ship full of hideous snake-men.

Anyway, I stayed on shore and that's where Vanthus appeared with a retinue of demon-vultures. Vanthus had changed but I recognized him from pictures that I had studied. He wasn't entirely human anymore. He kinda looked like he got scrambled up with a stingray. So, after killing a handful of pirates that were no challenge at all, I charged into battle Vanthus's little group.

Those demon-vultures were difficult to kill. My mightiest swings with my falchion didn't seem to really hit as hard as they should. It seemed like the wounds that I was inflicting just healed up almost as fast as I could attack. I also noticed that Vin and Hjálmgerðr didn't seem to have that problem.

Anyway, I was still fighting my way through the demons to get to Stingray-Vanthus when somebody cast some spell that sent Hjálmgerðr running in fear and left me fighting alone – which was fine by me, it just meant that Vanthus would get to draw breath for a little longer before I killed him.

When the demons were killed, I finally got to engage Vanthus in combat. Finally I, Rudolpho Milano, would kill the asshole that has caused so many people so much grief. I would avenge Lavinia's parents! Not that I care - but I wanted to beat Vin to it. Heh heh heh.

For a few moments, it was just me & Vanthus one on one. He fought furiously with a sickle, longsword, and inhuman strength. He even stung me with his dopey new barbed tail! I felt some poison - but it didn't really slow me down.

Before too long, that insufferable demon-loser realized that I was getting the upper hand in the fight. But, just as I was preparing to move in and finish him, Vanthus got this strange look of determination on his face. He reached inside his gay little cloak for something.

We'll never know what he was reaching for because, just then, one of Nesta's arrows skewered Vanthus through the neck. Nesta stole my greatest victory! Oh, this isn't over, Nesta.

Out of nowhere, Daria appeared and finished Vanthus off with a vicious slash to the neck that nearly decapitated him. Much as I enjoyed the show (and being showered in Vanthus's blood), I didn't hang around the corpse for long. I quickly engaged and killed the captain of the snake-man boat while Vin and Nesta killed his demon zombies.

After the battle, we got to round up all of the ships. Lavinia had the nerve to claim all of the captured ships in the name of Vanderboren and Farshore. Mystic Z tells me that with his and Ortho's magic, we can recover some of the scuttled ships and claim those for ourselves. I still feel ripped off.

Speaking of ripped off, Right after the battle, Lavina ran to Vanthus's demonic corpse and began searching his hands. She started yelling that 'It' wasn't here. I found out later that she was looking for a Vanderboren ring that should rightfully belong to her. Oh, well. Boo-hoo.

We also gained a bunch of magic loot and found clues as to what Vanthus has been up to since his disappearance. Now, normally, clues leave me bored as hell - but this was different. Nesta tracked me back to the bar and forced me to listen to what the party found out. Vanthus has been trading with some stupid sea monster, some underground losers called the Lords of Darkness, and... MARIA!

That's right, diary, I finally got a lead on the name at the very top of my kill list! Alright! Supposedly, Maria is at the center of the Isle of Dread, or maybe in some caverns beneath the Isle. Doesn't matter - I'll find her and then I'll kill her. And Nesta won't steal this one from me!

Mystic Z has since explained why Hjálmgerðr & Vin had an easier time killing those demons. It turns out that their weapons are blessed, holy, aligned with the good forces or some such crap. Z said that I could have the same blessing bestowed on my falcchion. “Yeah, right!'” I told him. There's no freaking way that I'm gonna get my Milano falchion turned into some pansy paladin blade! No way! Z then told me that I could probably get a blessed oil that would temporarily improve my falchion's effectiveness against daemons. That doesn't sound too bad.

Ortho also found some clues about a big, boring pearl that we ultimately couldn't find. Vanthus must have hidden it too well. I wonder what something like that would be worth.

Speaking of worth, I suggested to Vin that we ransom the recovered ships back to the Crimson Fleet. Vin could also bargain for port and trade rights for Farshore, the phanatons, the Olman,and the Crimson Fleet. But does Vin ever listen to me? No!

Now, Diary, I may have sworn off thinking but I do know a thing or two about pirates and how this crap works. While he's at it, Vin should negotiate free passage for any ship flying the Vanderboren, Icemark, or Milano flags.

That would be cool.
-R

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Dear Dairy,

I'm not real sure what just happened...

We're on some stupid mission to bribe some idiot sea monster to let our ships pass unmolested. Lavina sent some chests full of goods and coins plus a statue to bribe the monster with but so far all we've seen is some ancient Olman shipwreck. There was some pathetic loot on board but not much.

Anyway, as we rounded the North-Eastern tip of the Isle of Dread, Daria informed me of clandestine midnight meeting on the upper deck of the Sea Wyvern. I told Daria that, not being on the watch list for that night, I would be snoozing away in my bunk and she could kiss my hairy, unwashed arse. Daria countered that I should come fully prepared for battle because there would be killing involved. Now, that sounded like a plan!

I showed up on deck at the appointed hour to find Ortho, Nesta, and Daria waiting. Daria then produced a scroll sealed with the Vanderboren signet. The scroll was a letter from Lavinia detailing a secret mission known only to Daria until this moment and now known to only the four of us. We were specially selected for a revenge mission to Loserville to get some more payback on the primitives that killed Avner. Specifically, Vin, Gwen, and Hjálmy were to never, ever learn about this mission. I noticed that Nesta kinda rolled her eyes at Daria - but I thought it was cool.

I didn't know that Lavinia had such faith in me! I sure wasn't going to let her down!

Daria had altered the watch list so that she and Nesta were on duty and no one witnessed us convene the meeting. We gathered around Ortho and he magically moved us to Loserville.

There was not much going on at that time of night and we were under some pressure to get the job done and get back to the now-unguarded Sea Wyvern so I ran to the town center and began to sound the town alarm gong while I bellowed obscenities at the top of my lungs.

As a crowd of townsfolk gathered, I prepared for the slaughter that I was about to inflict. Instead, Daria blinked out of sight for an instant and the next thing I know, the chieftain is convulsing on the ground with shards of broken glass stuck in his face & neck. Some greasy, oozy stuff was beginning to spread from the location. Daria started yelling “Now, Ortho, Now!” and the next thing I know, we're back on the deck of the Sea Wyvern.

Funny thing, I could have sworn that I saw Daria throw down another scroll as we left the scene. It must be another secret between her and Lavinia. I'll just pretend that I didn't see anything.

I can't wait until our next secret mission!
-R