From the Diary of Rudolpho Milano

Dear Diary,

Who is this stupid two-headed snake / monkey guy?

Whoever he is, I hate him. I hope he has two asses also so I can kick both of them. This whole foggy mire is probably his fault. After the big monkey battle, Z used some magic to finally find a way through the jungle to a mountain temple of some sort.

The temple had two entrances. Each of them was a big, ugly monkey face. We went in and wandered around and saw some boring crap that some of the other team found really freaking fascinating. In one room, we found a riddle and a pair of statues Nesta ran all over the room until she had placed her hands in each of the statues’ mouths and we gained entry into another room.

So, I’m told anyway. At the time, I was buried under a big pile of rubble. Much earlier, I had gotten bored and decided to leave – by way of the other big, ugly monkey face. The entrance was rigged to collapse and I found myself buried under tons of rubble.

Of course, this immediately pissed me off. I struggled for about a minute to get all of that crap off of me and several times I thought I just about had it. Well, diary, I guess some things are just beyond even me. I was starting to feel like I was going to give out from lack of air.

Well, I guess the others must have heard it and sent Kongu to investigate because just when I was bout to give up I finally heaved myself up through the rubble to see that Kongu had removed some of the largest rocks.

Like I said, the team had gained entry into a previously hidden room. This room was even more of a boring pain in the ass. There was an altar with two candles, two mirrors, and two thrones. We played around with all of this ridiculous crap for a few moments before somebody did something that got us all burnt. That was real freaking funny.

Then to make it even more boring than before, everyone stood out of range of any future fire explosions and set bout poking around at all of this crap in a very systematic and boring way. Eventually we opened two portals in the two mirrors and, if you can believe this crap, had to kill feral duplicates of Daria and Nesta.

The portals let us into yet another strange chamber. This one had what looked to be a natural rock shelf some forty feet up. I began to climb the wall to get to this rock ledge when we were attacked by filthy monkeys.

This battle ran much as the first. The monkeys just couldn’t seem to be hurt with weapons and seemed to be immune to Ortho’s magic lightning – a real shitty arrangement if you ask me. Anyway, those monkeys tried all of their tricks but they couldn’t fool me a second time and we killed them.

After that, we explored an area of the cave system just off of the rock shelf. We opened a door and were overwhelmed by a leaping, howling mob of filthy monkeys. Armor and shields were no use against the tide so Kongu threw down his shield and started swinging his sword with both hands. He didn’t even have to aim; there were so many monkeys that you couldn’t swing a sword without hitting one.

I’ve never seen such carnage before. It was great! Kongu sent pieces of monkey fur, bones, and organs flying everywhere. Vin & I tried to keep up with Kongu’s extermination and within a few seconds, the mob had dispersed and fled back to the jungle. Yep, that was the high point of my week. Nothing says success like being coated with the entrails of your enemy.

As much as I enjoyed the slaughter, I was disappointed to find no real loot. We also could not find Daria (or evil, fake Daria). Oh well, I cared about that for about as long as it took me to settle into a nice nap. Daria will show up sooner or later – probably with the loot.

-R